Many women of a certain age used to resign themselves to a meh attitude regarding sex - they'd phone it in or avoid it all together. These days, not only is our whole culture more open to taking about sex, but also peri- and post-menopausal women are no longer seen as past their prime. If you find you're feeling a little lackluster in the bedroom department, there's no reason to take it lying down (pun intended!). Here are a few things you can do to get back on track, in general, or to get yourself ready for some action.
1. Get yourself a little something that makes you feel sexy
If we left our sexy wardrobes up to men, we'd all be wearing lace garters and weird teddies from the 80s. If you like that kind of thing, go for it by all means, but a lot of us haven't really stopped to consider the middle ground between teddy and sweatpants. And the fact is that wearing something that makes you feel sexy in a way you're comfortable with is going to go much farther to get you in the mood than wearing a French maid costume. Try a silk or satin nightie or camisole with cute pajama shorts. High-waisted lingerie isn't too revealing, but has an old-school pin-up quality that's sure to do the trick for both of you.
2. Don't skimp on the foreplay
Sometimes when you've been together a while, you start to cut corners. But as we get older, women's bodies need a little more time to ramp up to the main event. If your partner is starting to rush it, have a little talk to let them know that you're going to need a little more time to get warmed up from now on. Slowing things down will likely remind both of you how much pleasure you used to take in one anothers bodies and reinvigorate the romance.
3. Revisit your sleep routine
We get so used to our routines that sometimes we fail to notice they're eating away at our sleep. It can be harder to fall asleep and stay asleep as we age, and that afternoon cup of coffee that used to get you through the day might no longer be setting you up very well for a good night. Your evening exercise habit might not allow your body enough time to wind down before hitting the hay. Nothing detracts from good sex like bad sleep, so regularly take stock of how much rest you're getting and how you might get more.
4. If you haven't before, why not give porn or erotica a try?
Porn was long the province of men, but there are a lot more options out there for women now, and they don't require you to wade through anything scary. Glamour just put out a list of 10 Porn Sites for Women* that includes some free sites among others with monthly subscription fees. Whether you're watching solo or with your partner, erotic images are a great way to get in the mood.
5. Talk about it, talk about it, talk about it
Now's the time to get used to being open about what gives you pleasure. Stigmas around aging and sex are dissipating quickly, so let's take advantage. Talk to your partner about how your body's changing, and your needs and desires with it. Talk to friends about their own experiences with mid-life love and menopause. And definitely talk to your doctor about any questions or concerns you might have. Not only is she used to being asked about it, she's likely to have advice and resources for you to explore.
Expecting your body to behave the same way it did 20 or 30 years ago is unrealistic, and there's no reason not to adapt your sex life to your changing body. Many women find they have the best sex of their lives as they age, and open thinking and communication are the keys to bringing it about.