“We have a timing problem,” my pal Suzie said to me over coffee. She was complaining about her sex life. “He gets his intimacy needs met by having sex, and I want the intimacy up-front, as a sort of bargaining chip for sex.”
Fascinated by Suzie’s problem, I wondered first if it was a heterosexual thing—men getting intimacy through sex, women getting it before they’ll have sex. I wondered if it was a timing problem, as Suzie theorized. This argument, whether you wanted your intimacy as an appetizer or as a side dish, sounded familiar to me. I wondered if some couples solved it with compromise.