My biggest pet peeve is feeling ignored. My partner’s greatest weakness is not paying attention. I’m sure you can see how that makes for some annoying moments in our relationship. Actually, annoying is an understatement. It drives me crazy when I say something and get no response.
Occasional fashion disasters notwithstanding, we take pride in our originality. Nonetheless, we find that an old adage still rings true once in a while, and “you’re only as old as you think you are” is a phrase we find ourselves throwing around on a daily basis. Our bodies and minds are on a feedback loop—if you give in to feeling old then your body is quickly going to follow suit. But if you adopt the “50 is the new 40” (even better, 30!) way of thinking, then you’re likely to find your physique complying.
Adam D. Blum, MFT, directs therapy centers in San Francisco, Los Angeles, and New York City . And though he loves being a therapist and an entrepreneur, if you ask him about the very best aspect of his job, he will talk about working with couples.
When I was a teenager, I used to babysit my cousins so my aunt and uncle could go out and have sex in the back of their minivan. I remember hanging out with my aunt while she prepared for one such outing. She lined the van’s backend with blankets and spritzed it with Calvin Klein’s Obsession. She raised one eyebrow at me and said, “Don’t tell your mom this is what we do when you babysit.”
Sure, you’ve done the family Disney trip and the Grand Canyon, but when was the last time you and your partner snuck away for a sexy weekend retreat for just the two of you? It doesn't have to be expensive, and you don’t need more than a weekend. It’s about setting aside time to be in your bodies together.
I have gone through several sexual dry spells in my lifetime. During these times, I was so uninterested in having sex that my partner would get worried and even slightly offended. And I was, too. Offended at my own body, that is. I mean, I love my partner and find him attractive so why did sex of any kind feel like a no-go? I didn’t even want to try to be turned on, if I’m being honest. My mind was elsewhere and my body just wanted to be left alone.
A friend of mine recently went through a tough divorce. It was one of those ugly breakups where one person was fine, relieved even, and the other, my friend, was shattered. I’ve known her for years and watched her marriage go from happy and loving to just plain dysfunctional.
While the grisly “till death do us part” verbiage has been eliminated from most wedding vows, the sentiment remains in “as long as we both shall live.” Either way, the idea is that you and your partner will do pretty much every single thing in tandem for the rest of your lives. That might sound super romantic when you’re gazing into one another’s eyes at the altar, but not so much so when you’re fighting over the remote control two weeks later.